


You're invited!

by AetherBunny



Category: Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: AU?, Crack, Crack Pairing, F/M, I'm Sorry, M/M, i have no idea what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 22:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherBunny/pseuds/AetherBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Blake gets an invitation in the mail for a party he won't soon forget. It's Officer's birthday...</p><p> <br/>This a gift for my followers on tumblr (I run ask-domestic-bane-and-talia where stuff like this fic is totally normal). It just grew out of asks and conversations and I had two horrible days of work where I couldn't answer anything so I thanked them for their patience and understanding with a goofy little fic!</p><p> </p><p>With that being said, this is sort of an AU, I think, I really have no idea what this fic wants to be.<br/>Drama, humor, romance, just a little bit of smut....</p><p>Crack, it's crack and I'm sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're invited!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Brace yourselves please, and don't hate me...

John Blake got a flimsy little paper invitation in his mailbox; there was no stamp just two horses and YOU'RE INVITED! on the front and "It's Officer's birthday!" with an address on the back

Curious he looked up the location. It took him a moment to remember that was just about the area they had relocated the most notorious of Gotham Criminals. 

...

It was Saturday -party day- and he was suspicious. He folded the invite once and tucked it into his back pocket.

Blake pulled up in front of the house and cut the bike's engine. There were balloons on the railing and a sign with an arrow pointing to the back yard, everything looked normal so far.

Arriving caught the attention of a little dog -scratch that more of a puppy really- from the back. It bounded towards him with a single high-pitched bark. It was a funny shaped little thing, with a boxy chest and a bullet like head. It nipped at his pants leg and wagged its tail.

"Nero no." a familiar female figure appeared behind it. Miranda, Talia he corrected himself. "I'm sorry Detective he gets so exited over new people." She scooped up the wiggling puppy.

"It's not really detective anymore ma'm."

"Oh?"

"It's not really much of anything. These days."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you find direction soon. Are you here for the party? Come to the back I'll get you something to drink."

"Yeah?" Blake still wasn't sure exactly what was going on, he was on edge as he followed Talia to the back yard, Nero grinning at him from over her shoulder. He was braced for an ambush, or some sort of horrible surprise. He wished he kept his service weapon, but that would not have made him feel any better about what he found in the yard.

"Ah, Detective Blake, I'm surprised to see you here." That voice was unmistakable, the face to go with it even more memorable.

"Bane."

"Come to check in on us?"

"Kind of." he pulled the folded invitation out of his pocket.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back." Bane patted him on the shoulder. The gesture was free of menace, but it did carry weight. Blake was surprised to see the man before him had slimmed down some. Gone was the inhuman bulk he had remembered, but Bane was still a massive presence. Blake wondered what brought on the change. "I can assure you the one most likely to make mischief is also the one most intent on inebriation." He waved in the direction of a man Blake had only heard stories about, and the "party" was suddenly a nightmare.

The Joker offered him a disinterested sneer and a raise of his beer bottle. "The brick shit-house is right. I'm only here because my ride decided he wanted a wingman after all." He tipped the mouth of his drink in the direction of another pair of men. Blake could recognize the slightly shorter of the two as Dr. Crane, but he wasn't sure about the red head engaged in animated conversation with him.

"That's Eddie, he's troubled." Talia hedged offering him a cup of some kind of cola.

"Troubled? He's a head case! Haha! What's your dysfunction, hmmmm? Lemme guess daddy issues? You look like the kind of man who has daddy-issues. It's okay if ya do, you can join the club we meet on Tuesdays. New guy brings doughnuts." The Joker fixed him with a stare and licked the corner of his mouth at the base of one of his scars. Blake was Daniel in the lion's den surrounded by Gotham's worst and most notorious criminals.

"Don't worry about him Mister Blake, suburbia can do wonders." Blake nearly gave himself whiplash from the shock. Lucius Fox. "Yes Mr. Blake I'm here too. By Talia's request and the promise of cake."

"Mr. Fox, what exactly is this?"

"It's a birthday party, Officer is probably eleven by now, he's quite an old man."

"Officer?"

"The horse in the yard, or hadn't you noticed?" In truth he hadn't, he completely missed the animal in light of all his dangerous company. "Your soda is fine... we all need second chances Mr. Blake." Fox's near clairvoyance was always unnerving. He thought for a moment, and then took a sip.

"How did he even?"

"Gotham used to have mounted police force, a very small one, and it shrank even further from there. Back in Dr. Crane's heyday we had three or so officers who would on occasion patrol on horseback. After the break at Arkham and the related horse-napping Gotham decided it wasn't worth it and sent the other two to a farm in Vermont. "Officer" here was missing for a while until forms surfaced from a citizen asking to keep a horse as a "therapy animal." You can see how it ended. Gotham has some impressive loopholes in its more trivial regulations."

"Yeah I guess so." He looked around. In addition to the dangerous crowd there were actually a few other people in attendance. Brave neighbors he guessed come to pet the birthday boy. The horse grazed peacefully on the lawn happily accepting carrots and bits of apple. The small dog was now in Bane's lap in a deck chair? He wasn't going to question anything.

He did stand awkwardly near the snack table for a little while before Dr. Crane and his redhead friend came to talk to him.

"Hi, Jonathan Crane. Thanks for coming."

"John Blake. Thanks for inviting me?"

"Honestly, I asked Talia to pass out some of the invitations, so I might not know everyone who shows up. I don't really know many people in Gotham..."

"Oh, well. It's a nice party so far." This was slowly turning into a different kind of nightmare. 

"Hi, I'm Eddie." the red head offered his hand. Blake shook it. "Wanna play lawn darts?"

"Lawn darts? Aren't those things illegal?"

"Probably and if they're not they should be." Eddie grinned at him. 

"Sure I uh, I guess." 

Eddie chatted through the game and Blake found himself warming up to the man. The red head was a little younger than him, but they had a lot in common. Lawn darts became teams for lawn bowling and then horseshoes. Turns out recalled party games with former criminals was more fun than being a wallflower.

Somewhere near the end of horseshoes Bane excused himself. Blake wasn't paying too much attention to how long he was gone, but when he returned was something else. He had been talking to Talia about the neighborhood, when Bane interrupted.

"Pardon me." He asked before he caught Talia in a kiss. He had no problem at all lifting her off the ground a little for his convenience. She laughed a little and kissed him once more before he put her back down. Blake must have been staring.

"I was under the impression it was polite to enjoy a piece of cake at a friends party. I would not want to be rude now would I?" he smiled. The very motion seemed uncomfortable but Bane didn't seem to care. Blake could see deep scars from his left cheek to what remained of his right ear. "I can take it off, but the liquid anesthetic only works for 30 minutes give or take. I pick and choose my battles."

"I guess." he failed to censor himself. Bane only laughed and patted him on the shoulder again.

Later Blake did admit that the cake was pretty delicious. While he ate he couldn't help but study the pair a little more. Without his mask and despite his scars, Bane was fairly handsome. The same rolling sort if whimsy carried in his deep voice but the synthetic growl was gone. He shared the deck chair he occupied earlier with his partner. Talia really wasn't so different from Miranda, the same low hot fire burned in them both but Taila had a different kind of grace. It was like Miranda's skin was too tight and now that she had shed it she could move easier. Blake had found her incredibly beautiful, even then. Now actually seeing her honestly smile she was twice as lovely.

If he didn't know any better he would have mistaken them for veteran or cop and his faithful wife, funny how things aren't always, as they seem. As he was watching them he was also being watched. The Joker was eyeing him over his dissected slice of cake.

"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to figure out why Batsy picked you as a sidekick. See I'm not really sure what I find funnier. The fact that he finally admitted he's an old man or that he picked you as a replacement. What's your secret skill boy wonder hmm? Were you raised by circus performers? Are you his long lost son? Or you just another angry orphan in a cape Robin?"

"That last one is more like it, funny how many of those we have in Gotham." Blake refused to let him have the dig. The Joker only grunted in response and pushed around a glob of frosting.  
It was dusk by the time the cake was done, and Bane offered to start a fire. Crane wanted to tidy up some and Eddie offered to help (and there was some promise about an impossible puzzle involved. This left Blake with Fox, Talia and an apathetic Joker.

"Have you given any thought to your inheritance Mr. Blake?"

"Yeah. It's a lot... Bruce was...generous?"

"Indeed Mr. Blake. If you need any assistance with investments I have experience managing stock of that nature." No one at the party was fooled, but the less Fox admitted to knowing the safer he was.

"Thank you, really. I'm still not sure what to do with it all. I mean, I know that I want to do something with it, but not where to start. I don't really have the same skill set."

"It's a learn as you go experience." Fox assured him.

"You know Mr. Blake-"

"John is fine..."

"John. If it is within your comfort level, Bane and I have a lot of time on our hands these days. I can't offer you the exact same training my father offered, but we can teach you a few valuable things. We can consider training a fledgling hero as some atonement?"

...

Inside the house Crane watched, as Eddie took no time at all to solve and separate the linked steel rings. 

"Piece of cake!" he giggled reaching for Crane's hand to stack the rings in his open palm with the other. "Come on Doctor... got anything harder?" He stroked his fingers along the back of Crane's slender hand as he let go. 

"Yes." He blushed at the double entendre. It wasn't any real secret Crane was sapiosexual... (Aroused by intelligence - he constantly had to explain), but it's not really something that came up in conversation. 

Watching Eddie dismantle the rings like they were nothing was probably the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Sure he had worked with some of the most brilliant minds in Gotham while in Arkham, but they were nothing compared to the "boy genius" next to him. He was completely smitten. 

"Can I see it then?"

He was thinking of half a million beautiful filthy things he wanted to do to him and all of them involved listening to him talk and talk and talk...

"Earth to Johnny?" 

"Oh I?"

"You said you had something harder? than the rings? Can I see it, or are you coming on to me?" Eddie had leaned in and tilted his head in a birdlike motion. Probably out of curiosity, but Crane took it as an opportunity. Slowly, slowly he leaned forward suddenly not actually sure if this gamble was going to pay off.

"I hoped you were coming on to me..." Eddie said when they were a breath apart. And that's all it took... 

Their first kiss was no more than a press of lips, warm and breathless. The second was harder, longer, building in urgency. Eddie whined and moved to grip the back of Crane's neck. He was too rough in his excitement but Crane didn't care. In fact the blunt dig of his nails in the soft skin at his hairline was delicious. He may have breathed a soft "yes" and even if Eddie hadn't heard he still moved to straddle him on the couch. He pressed down, pinning him into the leather cushions with a growl.

Crane's "yes" was louder now; Eddie gave him a leering grin.

"Like that do ya?" Crane only hummed his approval. 

"I've wanted this since I saw your picture on the flyer the police handed out to let us know you were moving into the neighborhood." The Doctor was clearly not the best at dirty talk but that didn't matter to the red head at all.

"Oh yeah? What else did it tell you about me?" Eddie moved on to mouth his neck.

"That you were of genius level intellect and were convicted of crimes against Gotham..." Crane tried to run his hands up Eddie's shirt but was stopped before he got there. 

"Nope." The younger man caught both his slim wrists and pinned them over the back of the couch...

...

Outside it was pleasant, the fire was warm and the company was interesting. Blake had never been too far out of Gotham and he was in the company of world travelers. He was not ashamed to admit he loved being told a good story, so he sat back and let them go. 

"Is there a, restroom I could use?" he asked in a lull in the conversation. He asked half in honesty and half in curiosity as to where the host had gotten to. Talia gave him directions to Crane's bathroom and he headed inside. On the way back out something in the corner of the living room caught his eye. An acoustic guitar. Crane didn't seem like the kind of guy who would play, but then again everything about this night had been strange. He moved to pick it up, and there was a small helpless sound from farther in the room. He looked up.

Eddie had Crane pinned against the couch, Crane's shirt was hiked up and his glasses were askew. Both of them looked startled, but at least one expression turned smug. Blake put his hands up in defeat.

"Can I um?" he motioned to the guitar.

"Of course Mr. Blake. By all means." Crane sounded far too composed for a man who was just caught dry humping on a couch during a party like a teenager. "We’ll be out in a moment."

"Sure take you time, you don't have to um, rush on my account." He snatched the guitar and headed back outside.

...

"You play John? How nice." 

"Yeah I wanted to be one of those cool guys in college." He strummed a chord. "Any requests?" By the time Crane and Eddie returned (with marshmallows) they were trying to remember the order of the verses in American Pie. 

He and Eddie sang every Beatles' song he knew (despite Joker's requests to "not encourage him.") and then he surprised Taila with a little Piaf.

"Learned it for a girl." He said with a smile wide enough to show dimples.

As the fire died down and marshmallows were consumed they began to say their goodbyes.

"Thank you for the invite Dr. Crane, it was a pleasure to be here." Fox shook his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine Mr. Fox. I enjoy being in the company of one of Gotham's brightest."

"Flattery will get you nowhere Dr. Crane." he teased as he headed out. 

Eddie sort of shyly pulled Blake into a half hug as a goodbye. Crane shook his hand as well.

"See you around Blake." It sounded like a promise. 

Nero who had been dozing under a chair was now wide awake again and weaving in and out of feet. Bane patted him on the shoulder and Talia gave him a hug. 

"If you need us John, you know where to look."

"Thanks."

... 

Back in his apartment Blake tried to make sense of just what had happened. He had just attended a birthday party, for a horse no less, and the other guests were literally the most dangerous people in the country (he counted Fox with the idea that he designed gear for Batman). And he had a good time, he honestly did. Nobody tried to kill anybody, or poison them or overthrow anything, but then again this was Gotham and stranger things had happened.

...

Across the city Crane was standing in his yard his hand on Officer's nose.

"Goodnight boy, and happy birthday."


End file.
